For those of you who don't know much about my family, I have an older sister, an older brother, and as my previous posts have explained I also have a younger sister who was adopted. There are quite a few years between my older sister and I and my older brother and I, so when we were growing up we were all in very different developmental stages. When my mom was pregnant with me she talked about how my sister really wanted a baby sister, but then I was born and didn't really enjoy doing girlie things. I was pretty rough and tumble and wrestled with my brother and got dirty and all the typical Tomboy things little girls do. (Luckily I am in to some girlie stuff now, so my sister did get the little sister who she could do girlie stuff with after all, it just took a while!)
Since there is over ten years between my sister and I, she went off to college when I was only 7, which meant my brother was the only one left for me to follow around- and boy did I ever! Ever since I can remember I wanted to do everything he did- I played t-ball because he played baseball, I went to every football game he played in because I wanted to be near him (and I got free piggyback rides from all his friends), and I started going to church because he did and I wanted to do what he did. Like any little sister, I know my following him around was probably annoying, but he didn't complain too much. Even when he was the most popular guy at school and wasn't home very much, he still made time for me and we did little things that I don't really do with anyone else. For example, my brother used to love video games and some of my favorite memories are watching him play his games and both of us laughing so hard we cried. I loved watching him play, but I realize now that I loved how he made me feel, which is something I still love to this day. My brother is one of the only people that I know who makes me feel better about myself by just being himself... if that makes any sense.
And feeling better about myself has definitely been my focus over the last couple of months. Throughout all of these hormonal ups and downs there have been times when all I want to do is talk to my big brother. Some days I would call him bawling my eyes out and I know that was hard for him to hear, but he was always so encouraging. Just like when I was little, he would say, "it'll be okay kiddo" and it was. I didn't have to give him specifics for him to know I was essentially dying emotionally. I know if he could've helped more he would've, but unfortunately he was a few thousand miles away... until about 4 weeks ago.
Four weeks ago my brother took the lead pastor position at a church only 6 hours away from us! So this past weekend we went to go visit and boy was it perfect timing! Even though we didn't have too many "deep" conversations, he got to see what Skyler and I have been going through. One night I was telling my sister in law everything we've been going through and my brother was watching t.v., but he was listening the whole time. I know it's kinda weird to hear about your sisters personal issues, but with Skyler there I think my brother really got to see the battles we fight every day and how we need help to fight those battles from those closest to us. After that night, and during the rest of our visit, some things changed. Instead of giving me the quick hugs like he usually does, my brother would hold me tight, pouring all of his love into me through his strong arms. He made me laugh and lifted me up with his words, higher than he ever had before. He may not have solved any of our long standing issues, but he did help more then I can explain. He helped build me up and helped heal my spirit, just like only a big brother can.